How does premarital sex affect marriages?

No sex before marriage: just prudish or makes perfect sense?

Usually it's the other way around today. You are young and enjoy life to the fullest. Everything is possible, nothing has to be done. Now is the time to test out what you like and what you don't.

This also applies to possible life partners. After all, you first have to find out who suits you and who doesn't. This is how you love and fall in love, have relationships, dates and now and then a one-night stand. And at some point you are ready for great love.

No Sex Before Marriage: Stepping Back in Time?

Chaste to marriage, that is what many religions have preached for centuries, but nowadays only a few couples seem to actually adhere to it. But - oh wonder - there are still young people today who advocate marrying untouched.

No sex before marriage, no romping around, no trying things out. True love is waiting, that's the motto. Sounds like self-mortification. After all, everyone has drives and is physically drawn to the person they love.

The idea of ‚Äč‚Äčmotivating young people today to take a public vow of chastity in order to live celibate until marriage, like so many other things, comes from the USA. In the early 1990s the number of teenage pregnancies and HIV infections had risen sharply.

This is why Rev. Jimmy Hester encouraged young people to abstain from sex before marriage. The project became known as "True Love Waits". To date, millions of young people are said to have taken a public vow of chastity.

Many wear the so-called "Purity Ring" as a sign of their abstinence. The youngsters often go so far that they don't even hold hands or kiss each other.

Many celebrities, such as Britney Spears, Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus, publicly declared at a young age that they wanted to live chaste and be a virgin - but this did not last long. Several American series such as "Gilmore Girls" and "Twilight" (the author Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon) propagate abstinence before marriage.

The first time as a gift

So what drives people who deny themselves all physicality before marriage? On the one hand, there are those who, based on their beliefs, determine for themselves that marriage is something special and sacred and that sex is something that is saved for that particular person. First the wedding, then the sex.

But there may also be romantic considerations. You want to experience the first time with someone very special, i.e. your husband or wife. The virginity as a gift to the loved one.

Others have seen too many relationships in their immediate environment break or have many acquaintances who had to suffer for love. Or they are of the opinion that a woman who sleeps with many men would sell herself below value and appear cheap, but whether the equation "no sex = no sorrow" works is an open question.

Purely a matter of interpretation

But not everything is as kosher and strict as it looks. Some followers of the chastity movement do not adhere too strictly to the rules. For them, "no sex before marriage" is a matter of interpretation. For her, "no sex" means sex in the "normal" sense - vaginal sex. Blow job and anal sex are allowed in this case.

A somewhat weird interpretation of the vow that has less to do with chastity. This kind of interpretation doesn't seem to be that rare: According to a study by Yale and Columbia University, more than half of the "alleged virgins" have oral sex regularly, 13 percent have anal sex. So is this ultimately just about a hymen instead of true abstinence?

The study also shows that the "True Love Waits" movement does not seem to be really successful: Of 12,000 teenagers between the ages of 12 and 18 who made a promise of chastity, 88 percent had sexual intercourse within six years without marriage certificate.

No half-hearted promises

Surely there are many youngsters who keep their vow of "no sex before marriage" faithfully until they are under the hood. Whatever the reasons, it is up to you to decide who to sleep with, when, how and where and with whom not. It would only be a shame if people made a promise that they only make under pressure from outside and then only half-heartedly keep it.

Nevertheless, the topic "no sex before marriage" should not be labeled "old-fashioned". We are constantly being led to believe that our sex life has to be mega great and exciting. And somehow we have overshot the mark a long time ago.

Maybe it's a natural reaction to withdraw from it. It doesn't have to be for everyone, but at least one consideration should be allowed.

You might also be interested in these topics:

Living apart: What are the advantages of "Living apart together"?

Sex with a new partner: 7 tips to relax

Is marriage still appropriate or is this French model the future?

For everyone who is in love: The most beautiful love songs

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