What is a shitty person

Raven mothers: when are you a bad mother?

The 13-year-old Elias gets along with his mother increasingly bad. He prefers to be with his father and would like to move in with him completely. After a bad argument, he packs his things and drives over to him. The boy is quite angry and under no circumstances does he want to live with her again. The father, who has known this wish for some time, tries to find an amicable solution with his son. After Elias refuses to talk to the mother and to go back to her, the parents meet, at which the mother with a heavy heart decides to let Elias live with his father until further notice. As difficult as it is for her, at the moment it is the only way the boy can calm down.

Cornelia and her husband split up. The father moves back to his home state. The three children spend their entire vacation there and enjoy life in the country. Here you can be outside to your heart's content and let off steam in nature. Every time the three of them have to go back to their mother in town, they are very sad. So bringing it back is always a real problem for everyone involved. Cornelia, who also wants to reorient herself professionally, decides after a heated argument with her eldest daughter that the children should move to the father. Cornelia thus becomes a part-time mother who calls and chats with her children and can relax and see them again at fixed times.

Astrid and Moritz have been fighting a bitter battle for their son for two years. The now eight-year-old Nino changes from mom to dad every week. He is often unhappy when mom week starts, he doesn't feel comfortable with his mother and her new partner. The mother knows that Nino would rather be with dad. However, Astrid is not ready to leave custody to her ex-husband. She insists on a 50/50 rule and accepts that her son is not feeling well.

What is a bad mother?

When talking about a wicked mother, most people mean mothers who neglect their children and make little or no effort to care for them. Sometimes, however, one speaks of wicked mothers when these women make decisions that are not common, such as leaving the common family or not using the children's center of life.

Could it be that a so-called wicked mother is someone who is believed to be acting against the wishes or needs of her own child? Who absolutely wants to keep the child with them, even if they are not able to take care of them optimally? Who uses their offspring as leverage against the father of the children and for whom the well-being of the children is not in the foreground?

Who does not know the story of King David and the two women fighting over the living child? One woman desperately wants the child and accepts that it is cut in half with the sword just so that the other woman does not have it. The second woman puts her happiness behind the child's welfare and is ready to give it up. Which of the two is the bad mother here?

So what is a bad mother?

The focus here is on one's own ideas, but also those of society. While the prevailing idea in Europe is that parents are the most important caregivers for the development of their children, there are other countries and other customs in which an entire village takes care of the offspring or the little ones are looked after a lot by others and so grow up and Children's lives are designed very differently.

In society, the term “wicked mothers” is used when mothers voluntarily leave their children to someone else to raise and care for. However, on closer inspection, these mothers are quite responsible in their possibilities. They ensure that their children are better off and that they can find more optimal conditions for growing up. Wouldn't a bad mother be one who would keep her child with her despite the knowledge and understanding that she can only insufficiently care for them?

Do not judge the woman's decision

There are many reasons a mother might not take care of her own children. Be it that she is unable to do this for health reasons and has realized that she must first look to her own well-being before she can be a (good) mother to the children again - or that she is too little due to her job Has time for the children. Perhaps after separating from her father, however, she also decides to live her own life, to be happy with someone who might not want children or to go away because of her job and leave the children in their familiar surroundings.

Of course, the relationship with your own children then changes, it becomes looser, and the mother is no longer so involved. With her decision, she has the status that her fathers would otherwise have. Interestingly enough, men who abandon their offspring, for example because they separate from their mother, are almost never referred to as fathers.

Nobody has the right to judge a woman for her decision. Every woman must make such a decision for herself. We are of course aware that there are also so-called raven fathers. To deal with this topic in addition would go beyond the scope of this blog post.

How is your experience?

What is a wicked mother for you? When do you think a woman is a bad mother? Post your experiences, questions and ideas in the forum! (Andrea Leidlmayr, Christine Strableg, 5.5.2017)