Why don't women initiate sex

Why don't I want sex with my boyfriend?

For about twelve months I've almost never felt like having sex. And even though I have a doctor check my estrogen level, I strongly suspect that it's more of a mental issue for me. I think I'm losing my sex drive and that makes me really sad because I really don't know how to treat it.
I've been in a steady and actually happy relationship for three years. We've lived together for a long time and for two years our sex life was very satisfactory for both of us. But then I began to have less and less pleasure (which I initially put on our living together and the stress at work). But now I have both feet firmly in life, but the desire is still not back. The desperation is slowly spreading in me. I'm so preoccupied with this problem that it feels like I'm being pulled into a black hole and can't get out. And at first I was concerned that I just wouldn't love my boyfriend anymore, but then I realized that I wasn't really finding anyone sexually attractive.
Of course, it wasn't easy for him either. Who wants to hear from your girlfriend that she is tired of sex? Especially when things went well for so long ... It was a long time before I could convince him of my love. But I also have to say that he was very patient with me all this time and always tried to understand my thoughts. Actually funny, considering that not even I can really understand what's going on inside me.
If we have sex once a week, that's a good month for us. But sometimes we don't even have sex for a month. I've been racking my brains for a long time about why I am like this, because I actually think all other aspects of our relationship are just perfect. Even strangers on the street stop us to tell us how in love we look. And yet I hate romantic evenings and weekends with my boyfriend because I know: he wants sex and I don't! Before we even see each other, I shut myself off from the idea of ​​getting intimate with him. When he tries to initiate it, I feel harassed and get the feeling that I have to push him away from me. If I let myself do it, I enjoy the moment (although I'm not sure whether the enjoyment is more of a relief), but I don't feel sexy or turned on during it.
The interesting thing is that this problem is very personal, but not really rare, according to an analytical therapist with 30 years of clinical experience: The sexuality of every person is completely individual. It is very difficult to discuss and finding a general answer to problems is less helpful. Despite all efforts and desires, for some people sex is just not a nice sideline and that can be frustrating. Especially because it's not your own consciousness, just that Subconscious has changed.
Sex drive and libido have often been part of research and speculation about the human body. The pleasure of menstruating people is not that easy to define because there is simply no clear understanding of how it works. From a biological point of view, the body's own cycle naturally also plays a role, but in the western world in particular, sexual desire and the reproductive instinct are viewed separately from one another and, in general, the biological aspect is only a fraction of the overall picture. According to Dr. Sari Van Anders, a respected professor of psychology and women's studies at the University of Michigan, hormones have "very little or no effect on sexual desire." Dr. Van Anders also suspects that "the desire depends on the situation, the person, the stage of life, the relationship and the partner".
What is certain, however, is that sexual pleasure is not always constant. Just like your character and your body, it changes with years and experience. This is also confirmed by various studies. In long-term relationships it often happens that couples have sex less often or even forego it altogether. The reason for this could be everyday life, stress and the comfort of a relationship. And it's not just women who are affected. Many men help with Viagra in such cases.
First of all, the most important thing is to find out why sex has become an uncomfortable partnership task. Are there unresolved conflicts in the relationship? Do you find some things just not turning on anymore? If you can talk openly about problems, it can also have a positive effect on your sex life.
Maybe it doesn't feel like it, but often it's not just a person, but the relationship itself has one or more construction sites that ultimately led to listlessness. If you address these together and honestly, you may be able to make your sex life flourish again. Couples therapy can also help.