Distance will ruin love

The dates are going great, you're about to take the next step - and Zack, suddenly it's over? Those who suffer from attachment anxiety often have difficulty getting involved with another person. A serious relationship is associated with a lot of trust, intimacy and thus also many fears - because all of this makes us vulnerable.

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Recognizing fear of attachment: these are the symptoms

Fear of attachment is a very individual, psychological matter, which is why the symptoms can express themselves very differently. The degree of severity also determines the symptoms that occur. Nevertheless, there are some signs that are particularly typical of attachment anxiety:

  • emotional withdrawal
  • spatial distance through a lot of work or your own hobbies
  • physical distance, preventing physical attention
  • Having trouble talking about feelings
  • no common plans for the future
  • No close friends

Typical behavior of people with fear of attachment

As a result of the fear of attachment, typical behavior patterns emerge that are familiar to many people:

  • As soon as things get serious, or even during an already existing relationship, the partner is dumped out of the blue - for no comprehensible, explainable reasons
  • Sometimes years of on-off relationships, which arise when the partner is rejected when they are too close, then brought back again due to the existing feelings and the need for affection
  • The classic image of a person with attachment problems: The satisfaction of the need for human affection is fulfilled in casual affairs and one-night stands
  • Do you constantly fall in love with people who are unreachable or forgiven? There could also be a fear of commitment behind this. You subconsciously keep yourself away from a functioning relationship. The same applies to the phenomenon of always getting onto "the wrong person"

Causes: This is how fear of attachment arises

In fact, most people with attachment anxiety feel a strong need for love, affection, and a committed relationship. More or less consciously, however, the latter is also perceived as a strong threat. Again and again, the fear of emotional and physical intimacy prevails due to the associated vulnerability.

The fears can look very different and also be perceived as such to different degrees. While some do not even recognize and admit their fear, it is clear to others that, for example, they feel constrained by a clingy partner.

The reasons for this can result from bad experiences of personal love relationships as well as from memorable childhood experiences or as traumatic separations in the family. Even a distant or restrictive relationship with the mother or father can lead to an inability to have a relationship.

Low self-esteem can also cause fear of attachment: This is where the old wisdom stems from that you have to love yourself first so that others can. After all, people who have a very negative self-image of themselves often cannot believe that they can love someone else - and as a result cannot get involved.

Also read: 5 Ultimate Tips for a Happy Relationship >>

Therapy: This helps against fear of attachment

As already indicated, the greatest challenge is to admit the fear of attachment yourself. These are often many subconscious processes that lead, for example, to us repeatedly choosing the wrong partner. Anyone who realizes that this is the result of fear of attachment has already taken the most difficult step.

Ask yourself the following questions about self-reflection:

  1. Do I really want to enjoy my single life right now or aren't fears holding me back from a serious relationship?
  2. What exactly is it that scares me? Disappointment in getting hurt, emotional dependence, or perhaps limited freedom?
  3. Where could my fear come from? Is my mother overprotective, have I been injured before, have I seen bad breakups?

If you can honestly answer these questions for yourself, a practical solution to the problem can be sought. Most people already come to terms with their fears, to let them weaken and to slowly feel their way forward.

If you suffer from severe fear of attachment, get professional help. This is by no means objectionable - on the contrary. Think about how you can add value to your future by fighting these fears. As a rule, individual psychotherapy makes sense in order to work through very personal triggers and to find suitable solutions.

If you are already in a relationship, intensive discussions and couples therapy are sensible options.