How do you deal with distance relationships

Love at a distance : Tips for a successful long-distance relationship

Saying goodbye every Sunday afternoon, spending only 48 hours a week together - this is the everyday life of many German couples. Around eight million people in Germany live spatially separated from one another, often for years.
The reasons for this are mostly involuntary: studying in another city, an unexpected job change or family reasons. Those who have already had a long-distance relationship know very well that long-distance relationships are anything but easy. Not every partnership gets through this unscathed, because the time without the partner can be very exhausting.


Central problems in long-distance relationships: no everyday life together, lack of closeness, jealousy


According to the relationship coach and couple therapist Hergen von Huchting from Berlin, a major obstacle in long-distance relationships is the lack of common everyday life and common rituals. While normal partnerships allow you to integrate small shared experiences into everyday life, such as weekly shopping in the supermarket, dinner together or a shared hobby, these are usually completely absent in long-distance relationships.


The routine is especially enriching and stabilizing for the relationship. “The togetherness at home strengthens the 'we-feeling', the unconscious also benefits from the common everyday experience. This 'cushion' is missing in long-distance relationships, so there is often irritation and insecurity, " explains the relationship coach.


Communication between the partners is also a different challenge in a weekend relationship. In order to exchange ideas, you have to make daily phone calls or use communication services such as Skype or WhatsApp. Important topics often fall by the wayside. "Things that need to be discussed have no time frame and are repeatedly postponed", explained by Huchting. “You want to spend as little time together as possible stress-free. So important issues pile up more and more, and weigh even more heavily in the time in which one is apart ”.


Different perception of long-distance relationships among men and women


According to relationship experts, men experience a long-distance relationship differently than women. Women tend to build closeness through communication, men, however, through shared experiences. For men, present-day experiences play a more important role, whereas women are more attached to those that belong to the past or will take place in the future. For this reason, men miss their partner more than women and often suffer more during long-distance relationships.


According to the study: Facebook and Co. harm your long-distance relationship


Interactions in social networks can put additional strain on the relationship. In particular, uploading photos or posting status messages on Facebook are viewed very critically during a long-distance relationship. Social networks like Facebook and Twitter can quickly become a jealousy trap or a controversial topic. This is proven by a scientific study by Russel Clayton of the University of Missouri School of Journalism in 2014. According to this, posting and commenting on one partner on social networks causes the other to become jealous and suspicious. Because of the lack of closeness, the other partner quickly feels left out. It is therefore important to be considerate of the partner's feelings and to hold back on the post during the long-distance relationship.


Long distance relationship tips for a fulfilling long distance relationship


As difficult as the problems of a long distance relationship may seem, love at a distance can work. How you can create closeness despite the distance, here are some tips for a successful long-distance relationship.


1. Important for a successful long-distance relationship: mutual trust: Trust is not only one of the cornerstones of a normal partnership. In a long-distance relationship it is even more important, because jealousy often grows with distance. This can lead to misunderstandings. Even so, you should put trust in your partner, because jealousy can destroy the happiest relationships.


2. According to relationship experts common rituals The most important thing in a long-distance relationship: make fixed appointments with your partner and take your time. Keep a certain time free for your daily phone call and try to keep this appointment. This can be the time after getting up or after work, for example. So you can exchange experiences and problems in everyday life - something that creates closeness even in a normal relationship.


3. Common goal weld together: Forge future plans together. Talk about how to change the current situation. Sure, it's not easy to quit your job. Realize what is important to both of you. Your partner may be ready to move in with you and start a new life. Or you can give yourself a jolt and dare to take the step and plan a future together.


4. The reunion -Use the short time together: When the weekend is finally here, spend as much time together as possible - but don't do too much to yourself. It doesn't all have to be perfect. A nice dinner, a long walk in the woods or an evening watching TV on the sofa are good for your relationship. And of course, physical closeness shouldn't be neglected when they meet again. Very important in the event of a conflict: speak out before you part again.


5. Another tip at the end: Surprise news bring little moments of happiness: A short message in between via WhatsApp or SMS in the form of “I'm thinking of you” or an SMS before going to bed shows that you care about the other - even if you are many kilometers away.

You can work on your relationship with small steps. Always remember: Be attentive and pay attention to the needs of your partner. Everyone is different and needs special attention. Talk to your partner. Ask him if he is happy with the situation and what you can both improve on. Then nothing stands in the way of your long-distance relationship.

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