Is 30 too old for love

Women over 30 - jump into real life!

When we are young, aging cannot go fast enough. Finally 18. Finally 20. We have the feeling that the world is open to us, we are young and have the strength and the time to achieve all our goals if we only want to. Life is big and the horizon is wide.

But sometime between 30 and 35 something changes. And that is the basic feeling. Suddenly we feel the pressure of having to grow up, we hear biological clocks ticking and have the feeling that time is racing. And what about our goals? Have we approached them yet?

The thing about the 30th

Unlike in previous years, for many women in their 30s it's about the big decisions in life. Author Katja Schmitz-Dräger, herself 31, has just written a book about this phase of life and explains: "The time of carefree trying things out is suddenly over. The course is being set privately and professionally, at the latest now everyone has to take responsibility for his or her life.

The free choice among countless life plans raises essential questions: What have I achieved so far and where do I still want to go? Should I start family planning now? Is a sensible pension plan more important than professional self-realization? "

At the age of 30 you draw your first resume. And the worst: You compare yourself to friends of the same age. Not a good idea, as it almost always turns out: the girlfriends are pregnant while you are single. Or they are extremely successful while you are still living in your dormitory and doing internships.

Katja Schmitz-Dräger also confirms this: “You have to realize that, firstly, everyone has their weak points and, secondly, that it is not too late to take care of your own. When you are at peace with yourself, your own life doesn't look so bad. "

Generation of a thousand possibilities

Of course, we don't always go through the same phases at the same time with other women our age. 50 years ago when women were mostly married and mothers at the age of 30, the image of 30-year-olds today is more than dissimilar: They are single, newly in love or married, have a child, or do not want to have children, are freelancers, are employed or are on parental leave - and everyone has wishes about how life should go.

This is because, unlike our mothers, we have many more options to shape our lives. Katja Schmitz-Dräger: “We are the generation with the many possibilities, with the imperative for self-realization, the master’s degree courses and the latent threat of unemployment. The first where AIDS was part of sex education; the last one who did not look for the apprenticeship position via internet research. We have long had an income that is independent of the husband, and we no longer need a marriage certificate to start a family. "

Children, household, husband like in grandmother's time, so there is no longer a clear structure of how women aged 30 and over live. That is why we are asked to shape our lives ourselves. A great freedom, which of course can also be a great challenge and involves risks. Because there is a fear of missing times and decisions. Many don't leave university until they are 27, and when the last internship has been completed and the first paycheck has arrived, it's easy to be around 30.

Katja Schmitz-Dräger: “There are a few key data that distinguish our life from that of other generations: We have had very long training periods and have reached a settled life situation much later than was the case twenty years ago. But this also gave us the opportunity to try out a lot and also to loiter for a while. "

Say goodbye to ideas

At the beginning of thirty, many ideas and things that were infinitely important ten years ago began to shake. You have separated from them or you have relaxed and pushed them under the heading "I'll do that someday". How could it be otherwise when many fixed points and certainties in life are no longer there? Katja Schmitz-Dräger confirms: "Nobody believes in permanent employment anymore, less and less in the love-securing effect of a wedding ring." These are the imponderables of life that one has learned to accept.

Because right now many women are discovering their own serenity. Even if the biological clock is ticking and you put yourself under increasing pressure to slowly implement your goals, over time, with experiences and disappointments, you have learned to see things more calmly. Katja Schmitz-Dräger: “In the meantime, it has been established several times that life goes on even if you have not met deadlines and goals that you set yourself. The 30th birthday can have a downright liberating effect, according to the motto: From now on it doesn't matter - then it just works as it comes. "

Closing the gate and panic?

But there are also a few sore points, topics where our over-30s coolness lets us women down. Woman doesn't like to admit it, but if you haven't found a partner in your early / mid-30s, you slowly get nervous. Have the best specimens already been fished from the market and are they tied tightly? Will I find anyone at all before the biological clock has stopped working?

We click through social networks and dating portals, we scan the profiles of others and click our way through their lives on Facebook, only to find in horror: we are alone. The friends from high school all have one or two children, their own home or they live successfully in America, London or Paris. And that feels different than before. Being single at 30 or 35 is a hell of a lot different from being single at 20.

Katja Schmitz-Dräger says: “At some point, everyone will probably want someone they not only love, but also get along with. And sooner or later the desire to have children comes to the fore. I'm not in such a hurry myself, but I also feel that I don't have unlimited time. If you haven't found the "right one", these wishes are sometimes even more acute. "

Hello wish to have children!

There it is, the sore point no. 2, which simply cannot be discussed away: without a husband, no child. So much for the facts. Still, the biological clock doesn't have to drive us to the sperm donor bank. We have time. After all, women today have children more and more later. The average age for the first child has long been 29. In the meantime, one no longer speaks of late births in the case of thirty year olds.

The "late mothers" often have professional reasons: We try to balance work and motherhood. Katja Schmitz-Dräger: "In our generation there is still this relatively fixed process, according to which the training is first completed, then the career start follows, the financing must be secured, and the current project may also need to be completed - and then at some point It starts with having children. Many women submit to this pattern for fear that children could get in the way of a good career start. " And these fears are not all that unfounded.

Serenity and real life

And then there is the last sore point: our body. The saying "We are no longer 20" suddenly has its justification. We are beginning to age. Slowly, but suddenly it's a real experience. But if you think that at 30 you belong to the scrap heap and there is nothing you can do to counteract the fading of your own beauty, you can relax.

There is a magic bullet against wrinkles. And not the one that the beauty industry is desperately looking for to stop aging, but a completely different one: self-confidence and serenity. This is also confirmed by Katja Schmitz-Dräger: "Perhaps with style and relaxation you can gain additional points of attraction where you can lose some in terms of baby-smooth skin."

In any case, despite all the serious questions, the number 30 should not be a reason to give up. But on the contrary. Now we recognize goals and detours and readjust ourselves consciously. Many women, who are asked if they would like to be 20 again, decline with thanks. You don't want to miss out on the experiences you have had over time for a little smooth skin.

Rather, 30+ is a time in which you took the plunge into real life, in which you asked yourself what your own life has to offer and what it can still offer you. And because you say: "Bring on the good life!" Katja Schmitz-Dräger also confirms: "There is definitely enough to do. I have the feeling that my life is really just getting started now."

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Book tip:
Katja Schmitz-Dräger: The perfect life
Five women in their early 30s - conversations about love, sex, family, job and the future
9.95 EUR, Schwarzkopf & Schwarzkopf Verlag