How can I overcome self-hatred

Overcoming Self-Hate: How Can I Do It?

Many of us have thoughts that we did not work out well. Sometimes we struggle with our appearance, our behavior or our character traits. Being self-critical can be moderately beneficial. For example, we can come to new insights that can help us to change something in a positive way. For example, if we find that we have spoken too briskly to someone, we can apologize. If we are overly self-critical, however, a real self-hatred can develop, which torments us internally.

How does this self-loathing come about? How does it express itself and how can we rid ourselves of our own negative reviews?

What is self-loathing?

Dislike someone or something is a normal reaction. Among other things, it makes us turn to the things or people that are good for us. But what does it actually mean that we don't like someone or something?

For example, we harbor derogatory thoughts against this person or thing and have an uncomfortable, angry feeling. In addition, we may even speak disparagingly or very critically about something or someone.

It is the same with self-hatred: Our thoughts, feelings and words are directed in an extreme way against ourselves and the positive opposite pole is either completely absent or cannot counteract the negativity. Since we cannot get out of our skin, self-loathing is associated with a great deal of psychological suffering.

The causes of self-hatred

Why is it that some people struggle with self-loathing while others are more positive about themselves or even feel self-love? This can have the following reasons, among others:

1 Too high expectations of yourself

The expectations we have of ourselves are also related to the culture, for example our performance society, the direct environment and also the experiences in childhood, youth and adult life. If we have the impression that we are never “enough”, we are dissatisfied with ourselves and in extreme cases can develop self-hatred.

2 Psychological lows / crises

In addition, there can be certain phases, for example after events such as a separation, termination or failure, in which we are more prone to self-hatred. For example, because we blame ourselves or feel guilty. When something has grown over the matter or the psychological low has been overcome through our active efforts or support, the self-loathing can also subside.

3Attribution style: Who do we attribute successes and failures to?

There are people who are more inclined to look for the cause of failure in themselves. For example, by thinking: "I'm really too stupid for this course." This attribution style is called "internal".

On the other hand, there is the external attribution style, in which the same situation is assessed differently, for example: "The test was simply too difficult."

An internal attribution style, that is, when we look for the negative causes in ourselves, can contribute significantly to self-loathing. In our eyes we are then to blame for everything.

How can you overcome self-hatred?

There are several approaches you can take to counteract self-hatred. For example, it is possible to question your own thoughts. Is it really true what I am thinking? Could there be other reasons or causes why something does not work or is not as I imagine it to be?

In connection with this, one can try to replace the unhelpful thoughts with helpful ones. The focus is placed on benevolent thoughts. This is a view that can also help build self-worth and self-esteem.

We can also influence self-hatred through our own behavior. By taking good care of ourselves, that is, by taking care of ourselves, we show respect for each other at the behavioral level. This also has positive effects on our thoughts in the long term.

Who actually hates whom here?

Another approach that you can use to overcome self-hatred is to radically rethink “your self”.

Think about the question: Who actually hates whom here?

Is there one self that is hated and another self that hates? Which of these two are you? Which of the two do you want to identify with?

These questions probably seem pretty absurd to you. However, this can be helpful in order to be able to question and overcome your self-hatred as a whole.

Interestingly enough, what we call our selves, from a biological point of view, is some kind of made-up being, a myth - kind of like a unicorn. Your brain can easily create the image of a unicorn, assign certain properties to it, give it a name, but ultimately this unicorn is just a composite of your imagination.

The idea of ​​yourself is continually being created in an ongoing process. This is a process that is called "selfing" in neurology. You, or better said your brain, "self" day in, day out, in such a constant flow that you don't even notice it. But that doesn't mean there is an entrenched self that you can hate.

It takes some time to rethink this radically.

If you like, you can try the following: If you notice negative thoughts about yourself, you can keep asking yourself who thinks so badly about whom. This will gradually give you a new, less biased perspective on yourself.

Categories GeneralTags self-care, self-worth, self-doubt