My friend manipulates me
8 warning signs: how to recognize that your partner is manipulating you
It is generally believed that people with psychopathic traits would be recognized immediately and warned. Unfortunately, that's not the case. Because this type of person can be extremely charming and engaging at first. Fortunately, there are early warning signs to look out for before getting too emotionally involved in a relationship that is not going to do you any good.
The American psychologist Dr. Joseph Carver compiled. He calls the kind of person in question, however, not a psychopath, but a 'loser'. His definition: "The loser is a type of partner who causes a lot of social, emotional and psychological damage in a relationship ..." The term ultimately includes all people who control and manipulate their partner in a pathological way, not just psychopaths.
For those who are unsure of themselves, who are afraid and feel suppressed and treated badly by their partner, here is a list of warning signs that can be used to recognize a psychopath aka loser:
In the video: Separation despite love - Unfortunately, in these cases it makes senseVideo by Aischa Butt
1. The most beautiful compliments in the world
Here the loser is a true master. He can shower you with attention, flattery and gifts and you feel like in seventh heaven. He seems to be a charming dream guy. But unfortunately this is not the case. Because as sugar-sweet as it can be, it can also become utterly hateful.
2. Rapid, great attachment
The first "I love you" comes much earlier than expected, the loser wants to marry you and sees you as the love of his life. All of this is of course very unfamiliar and flattering and obscures your senses, but you should also be clear: as quickly as he falls into the house with the door, he can turn off his feelings again as quickly, because a real bond takes time and nobody opens up to another person so quickly.
3. Mind games & violence
The loser deliberately hurts you over and over again. Sometimes just to test one out. Be it insults, insinuations or just outbursts of anger. Verbal aggressiveness can also turn into physical violence over time. If he hits the wall at the beginning with outbursts of anger, this also has only one purpose: To show: "Look here, that can bloom for you too, if I want to." It's a power game. And because it only becomes more and more aggressive over time, the partner gets used to the violence and thus goes along with the whole thing longer.
4. From nice to mean and back again
If your partner insults and hits you, hardly anyone will stay with them. But not when the bad phases alternate with phases in which the partner is more than loving, absolutely affectionate and caring. And so you keep going, in the hope that the mean phase will be the last and that you can change the other, even help him to have a normal relationship. But in most cases this will remain a mistake.
5. The bracket tactic
As soon as the loser realizes that you are keeping your distance and getting along well without him, he will use this tactic. He will make promises that everything will be better and show his chocolate side. Caution is advised here, however, unless he is willing to seek professional help.
6. They destroy self-esteem
The best tactic to get someone under your thumb and hold them there is by ruining their self-esteem. So the loser will make every little mistake and mistake an issue to show: Look: you are incompetent and bad. And if you are completely insecure at first, the other can treat you meanly without you defending yourself directly. After all, you feel bad and guilty about yourself. And no matter what happens: the loser always sees the blame on the other.
7. Control and isolation
You can only manipulate a person in this way if they don't have a fixed environment that supports them, gives them advice and makes sure that they are okay. Of course, the loser is not popular with his partner's family and friends, and so he will always try to keep you away from his surroundings. This is the only way he can take control. If the partner does go out alone, she will be checked and questioned more than normal. Here, too, the alarm bells should ring.
8. You don't recognize yourself
Due to the grueling behavior of the loser, you will at some point become a bundle of nerves yourself. One is constantly on the alert not to do anything wrong, not to upset the other person and not to give them a reason to freak out again. If it does come to an argument, you quickly lose your nerve because you know what's coming next and because you can hardly defend yourself. This helplessness drives you crazy and you overreact and don't recognize yourself anymore.
Book tip on the topic:
Bärbel Mechler; Surrounded by psychopaths. How to successfully defend yourself against difficult people
Mankau, 9.95 euros
> buy now here directly from Amazon. *
Of course, this is just a list of traits that do not automatically make anyone who partially matches them a loser or psychopath. There are many people on this list with unhealthy traits who are "normal" people, with flaws.
However, if you are not feeling well in your relationship and you realize that the partnership is really going to the kidneys, this list can help you. Does the relationship still make sense or is it not only harmful but even dangerous for yourself? When in doubt, always seek advice, including professional advice.
The full list of all of Carver's items can be found here.
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