What is the point of relationships

What is the meaning of a relationship or the longing for it?

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The point of a relationship, if there is one, is not mainly to make you or me happy or whole - as nice as it is to love and be loved.

It also and above all shows me which unresolved entanglements, traumas or situations I still project from my original family onto others, or, in other words: where I still firmly believe that I am a small child, that its childlike neediness is projected onto one Mum, dad or family projected outside.

You notice it by the fact that you are not really happy and satisfied inside or outside of a relationship, you usually blame the other person for it, you compulsively believe that there is such a thing as a lack that only one / the other person through his / her love , Care, attention etc. can and apply all the strategies you have learned to find a partner or to get what you want from him / her.

This naturally leads to frustration and invites you to take the attention back to yourself and realize what you are doing, believing, feeling and, most importantly, who you really are.

In other words: every type of encounter that makes you unhappy, angry, sad, jealous, sick or frustrated shows you where you project what expectations outwardly onto someone or something who gives you what you are looking for, want or need, cannot or would not give. In a sense, it throws you back on yourself, on what you really are and makes it clear to you that you are always first and foremost alone - all-in-one.

Because the happiness, love, peace that you are looking for there you will never find permanently in the other - as nice as it is to be in harmony with one or more people and to support each other.

Everything you look for in a relationship is already - it is you yourself. And it cannot be found primarily through the love, affection or affirmation of another, but rather by optimizing your own ability to love yourself or to discover that everything that is - exactly as It appears - is already That what you are looking for.

In other words, everything is the Beloved - in disguise.

But now it often appears as if that is not the case. And it wouldn't be honest at all to pretend it was already different, would it? And that's the amazing thing for me: That when you totally stand by the fact that there is currently dissatisfaction, pain, fear, deep need or jealousy or the desire to get rid of all that, that this is already an act of deep self-love.

So if you are ready and able to perceive what appears to you - exactly as it appears (!) - lovingly and in a certain way also helpless, not to run away from it, not to run away from it, not to another, to God or to life Pushing shoes, but totally standing by them - simply because you can't help it - is the most direct expression of self-love there is.

And, that's the amazing thing about it: Everything that previously caused tension, separation or pain dissolves in it. What remains is: silence, deep peace, infinite space - and often amazing insights about yourself.

Conclusion: The goal of a partner or friendship, a work relationship or simply an encounter is not above all to make you happy and also not to be loved, but to discover what is already happy and at peace and to see through what makes you happy separates - unresolved trauma, fears, beliefs and survival strategies: in order to lovingly and carefully dissolve them - instead of repeatedly painstakingly re-enacting them in the outside world.

That is why Satsang is called Satt-Sang for me: because it invites you to turn to that which is already full - until you see that you yourself That is exactly what you are and always have been. Then you don't need any more satsang, no therapy and no partner and also no more love drama on the outside to be happy and at peace with yourself.

Then you are full, so full that you do not need a man or woman on the outside who loves you or someone you love, whom you have to help or mother / foster in order to feel valuable, loved or close, you to orientate, to get what you have been looking for for so long or to give your life meaning.

Only then are you free to really meet someone else, to take responsibility for your needs, without giving or taking conditions. Then - this is the amazing thing about it - you often feel magically attracted to people like you - because they feel that you do not need them (mis) but are able to respect and love them - the way they are, not the way they are how you want it.

But if that is not (yet) the case, just stand by it and get competent help - ideally, trauma-sensitive counseling for couples, insofar as it is necessary.

That, too, is sincere self-love - in action.

(from: "Trauma and partnership, or: How does (self) love really work?" by Gabriele Rudolph)

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In more detail, what is stopping you from having deeply satisfying relationships?

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Individual / couple counseling Sattsang Workshops E-Books Videos Training

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The inner child and the silence | Trauma as a gateway to freedom |relationship - How does (self) love really work?
training - Become a companion yourself |Be quiet and let life give you gifts
The body heal through awareness | Is it you value, to be happy?
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